my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
