I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
