i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
