history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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