I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
