nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
