im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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