I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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