Tell her she can't have a vagina
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
These tits shall not be calmed
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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