ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
