When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just googled if crying burns calories
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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