Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
