My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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