Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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