just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
