I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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