Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
