i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
