I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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