i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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