she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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