yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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