where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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