I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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