remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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