Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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