I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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