saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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