just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
