I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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