Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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