I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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