someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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