I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
