Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
