We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My feet surprised me
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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