I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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