I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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