I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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