Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
