just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
