you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
