So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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