i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
