therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
