3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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