Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
