hell yes lets make some ravioli
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
