fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
