We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
