look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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