Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
