Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
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Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
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My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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