I puked a lego.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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