About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
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Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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