gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
