If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
