I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
