elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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