it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
