he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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