We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
