I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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