So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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