I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
