He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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